Last week, David Blackburn-Clarke looked back at wrestling’s success – and failure – at the box office, and what the future holds for WWE studios. Now, in this follow-up, he turns his attention to a bit of fantasy, and what would happen if Vince McMahon and WWE Studios were in charge of producing this summer’s blockbuster movie, The Avengers…
In this writer’s opinion, the major film release of the year will be The Avengers (due for release here in the UK in early May). For those who don’t know, The Avengers is a super-hero group created by Marvel Comics and includes characters such as Captain America, Ironman, and Thor amongst others. These superheroes are brought together by Nick Fury (played by the awesome Samuel L. Jackson) of the international agency ‘S.H.I.E.L.D’, to help save the Earth from Loki and his evil army of henchmen. I could go on for hours about the potential awesomeness of this film, but this is primarily a wrestling piece…
Each of the main characters have already had individual films released that have achieved significant box office success:
- Ironman and Ironman 2 (starring Robert Downey Jr) – $585m and $623m respectively
- Thor (starring Chris Hemsworth and the legendary Anthony Hopkins) – $449m
- Captain America (starring Chris Evans) – $368m
So this got me thinking: what if WWE Studios won the rights to produce their own version of The Avengers – which WWE Superstars could they possibly cast into the key roles? Let’s find out…
As his name suggests, Steve Rogers (a.k.a. Captain America) is the patriotic member of The Avengers. ‘Cap’ began as a weak and frail young man who was enhanced to the peak of human perfection by an experimental ‘super soldier serum’ in order to aid the United States war effort during World War II. The serum gave ‘Cap’ super-human speed, strength and reflexes. ‘Cap’ is often portrayed as the leader of the group with the sole aim of winning and triumphing over evil (literally Rising Above Hate), and as such ‘Cap’ is a hero to many American comic book fans.
So there is only really one WWE Superstar that is fit for the task – John Cena.
Cena, in his early days of wrestling in Ohio Valley Wrestling, was known as The Prototype due primarily to his physique, and we all know that Cena is a proud American patriot with his open support of the US armed forces. Whatever you may think of him, John Cena is the ultimate superhero of the WWE Universe.
Rumours currently abound that a John Cena heel turn is imminent. In my opinion, it’s unlikely to happen until a new superstar has taken over the reigns as the man at the top, as right now the WWE stands to lose too much by writing that script too soon (or much too late, as some readers would no doubt agree).
In the comic book universe, ‘Cap’ was stopped in his tracks when assassinated by Crossbones, although it is suggested that the fatal shots were fired by his occasional girlfriend, Sharon Carter (known as Agent 13) after being brainwashed by Dr Faustus.
She’s not the girlfriend (at least not at the moment), but will Eve Torres have any impact in the main event at WrestleMania, following her recent heel turn on RAW? Only time will tell and remember, you read it here first!
Ironman is a superhero character that fights in gold and red armour, flies with the use of jet boots, and has a large selection of deadly weapons including lazer beams and repulsor rays. There aren’t any of them in the WWE Universe (but how fun would it be to have some – just imagine the matches!)
However, the man in the armour, Tony Stark, is a different story entirely. He is a brilliant inventor, designer, and more importantly is a smooth-talking billionaire.
The WWE certainly has one of them – no, not Vincent Kennedy McMahon – but Mexico’s own, Alberto Del Rio (that’s R-iiiiii-ooooooooooo).
Yes, the suave, sophisticated and elitist nephew of the legendary Mil Mascaras would be the perfect contender to take on the role of Tony Stark, a.k.a. Ironman. Del Rio, conveniently to fit my story, wrestles in gold, is a brilliant inventor (who else would wear a designer Italian scarf to the ring?) and has his own personal assistant – granted we would all prefer a Pepper Potts to a Riccardo Rodriguez, but there we go.
More importantly, recent rumours suggest that Del Rio has a lot of heat in the WWE locker room and is disliked by a number of his colleagues due to the way he carries himself, and the belief that his position in WWE is unwarranted. Del Rio also doesn’t hold back with his feelings either – citing The Miz as his arch-enemy during a recent radio interview. In the comic book universe, Ironman is also the subject of similar discontent, being the leader of the pro-registration (where superheroes reveal their identities) in Marvel’s Civil War story arc.
Ironman has had many brushes with death and has returned to action on numerous occasions. Del Rio is currently on the comeback trail after recovering from a groin injury, so we wait to see if he will be making an appearance – as rumoured – in the big tag team match at WrestleMania XVIII.
The norse god of thunder, hailing from the mythical city of Asgard, Thor Odinson is a big, blonde, hammer-wielding bad-ass possessing super-human strength, speed, agility and endurance. It doesn’t take much thought to realise where I am going with this.
Yes, the only man capable of playing Thor in WWE Studios’ version of The Avengers is The King of Kings, The Cerebral Assassin, The Game himself: Triple H.
Triple H is Thor personified, so much so that between 2007-2009, rumours were aplenty that Triple H was pushing for the lead role. Through his allegiance with Stephanie McMahon, he is a ‘god’ in the locker room, and the combination of his King of Kings entrance (the throne, the scary mask and the furry underwear), his fascination with hitting unsuspecting wrestlers with a sledgehammer, and the long hair truly makes ‘Trips’ the only contender for this role.
Rumours now suggest that Triple H has recently signed a new contract with the WWE, whereby he plans to wrestle for at least another four years. Yes, really. Is this an early sign that The Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak may finally come to an end at the hands of an Asgardian God?
I think that this would make a pretty amazing movie – but what do you think it would look like? Thanks to Future Pro Wrestling‘s Lee Elmer, you can now see for yourself what this movie poster could look like:
But what about the other Avengers?
There have been many members of The Avengers over the years, so here are some of the other potential candidates:
The Incredible Hulk: Big and angry – a role surely made for The Big Show!
Hawkeye: As the master archer, this would be a fitting role for CM Punk, as they are both straight shooters (see what I did there?)
Falcon: A skilled martial artist and gymnast with both a pet falcon and the ability to fly – in the absence of Koko B Ware, this has to be one for Kofi Kingston.
Spider-Man: The role of all-action acrobatic web-slinger would be fitting for only one man – Rey Mysterio. As past WrestleMania appearances will testify, Mysterio is a big comic book fan, with past ring costumes at the big show including Daredevil, Captain America and The Joker.
I have been able to accurately predict Rey’s last three Mania outfits – if he does, in fact, make an appearance at this year’s show in Miami, my prediction is an outfit based on the new bad-guy in The Dark Knight Rises, Bane. Let’s hope Rey can get ready in time for the Grandaddy Of Them All, as it’s simply not WrestleMania without one of his awesome outfits!
What’s your favourite film starring a wrestler and why? Let us know by posting a comment below: